Choosing The Right Provider For You!

I gave birth to 3 precious babies, naturally and unmedicated – that was MY choice. I remember the disconcerting looks, questioning Are you nuts?!… and the eye-rolling from those who concluded women like me had some tough-girl complex. I listened to many who likened childbirth to having a tooth extracted and therefore equated an epidural to novocaine, believing it was stupid to refuse pain relief. And, most disturbing – there were a few who flat out told me I couldn’t give birth vaginally because I had too small a frame. Um, what?

As crazy as it may sound, some of us DO desire a natural, unmedicated birth; we shouldn’t have to justify why.

But what if that’s not you? What if you want the epidural? What if you want the scheduled c-section? Induction? Are you any less Woman? Not at all.

Your birth experience is YOURS. Not hers. Not theirs.

I am passionate about being a doula for many reasons. But at the top of that list is my belief that women should be the primary voice in their birth experience.

Why? Because the ripple effect of giving birth is massive and a woman’s psyche is greatly affected by what happens to her during labor and delivery.

In this post I want to discuss three important factors that a woman internalizes postpartum:

1. Was my body respected?

During labor and delivery, a woman is willingly subjecting herself to medical staff, trusting they will care for her and honor her body. So when her body is treated harshly, or medical practices are administered without consent, it gets filed away in her mind as a violation, if not outright abuse.

For obvious reasons, she is not capable of fully processing what’s being done to her in the moment. As a result, there is an ongoing disturbance in her psyche; she may not even understand why she has certain reactions, nightmares, or triggers. And, unfortunately, even if she is aware that her body was violated, it is unlikely she will receive the validation necessary to move forward because people tend to normalize bodily invasion during this kind of experience.

In my doula practice, I seek to understand my clients’ physical preferences, fears, desires, and personalities so that I can best honor and support THEIR emotions and THEIR bodies. I also equip clients to communicate their needs and preferences to medical staff before and during labor to avoid unintentional victimization.

2. Did I Have A Choice?

Possibly the most disturbing factor for laboring women is when something goes wrong and she is not given adequate information or even a say in how to proceed with the birth. Yes, there are times when life-saving, immediate action is required, but this is rare. Most of the time when medical interventions are being discussed there is adequate time to present the options, weigh pros and cons, and give time for the patient to make her decision.

Again, psychologically speaking, a residue of victimization is left behind when a woman is subjected or coerced into medical procedures that she has not been fully informed about and consented to.

To help prevent this, I educate women and partners ahead of time about their patient-rights, equipping and empowering them to advocate for themselves. This has a lasting positive effect! Women who learn that they have a voice in their birth process move forward with greater confidence to assert themselves (_{^respectfully}) in other matters in life. And women who do this are then able to model those healthy communications to their children! It’s a win that keeps on giving…

3. Was I Heard?

It’s no wonder women tell their birth stories to literally anyone who will crack open the door to that conversation! 🙂 If the experience was traumatic, they’re probably still processing and searching for validation. On the other hand, if it was an empowering experience then reminiscing keeps those positive juices flowing … and more of those stories need to be told and heard!

Either way, women share their birth stories because it’s literally the scariest, hardest, most impactful event of their lives. Labor isn’t just a physical challenge that alters your body; it literally changes every part of you. So, of course we want and NEED to talk about this phenomenon.

This is why I visit my clients postpartum and often stay in touch for months and years to come. A woman deserves to feel heard as she remembers her experience and solidifies her birth story. Even if nobody listens, this is the story she will tell herself for the rest of her life, so I do my best to make sure she’s remembering it accurately and with positive cognitions moving forward. How she tells her story will impact the way her child hears their story. Again, the ripple effect is huge.

In closing…

It’s YOUR birth experience, therefore…